Chapter 34
Back in Your Playpen
I wasn’t there for this. I only have Robert’s word that it happened. Yet, I did my best to represent and be fair to the pain which I sideways inflicted upon him by attempting this recreation.
Robert told me the interrogation went on for three hours.
I was not there.
This is the version Robert brought home, filtered through my memory and my sense of the absurd, with apologies to Robert, who had to live through it and then tell me about it.
The general and his aide looked up toward the second-floor office.
They could hear the colonel’s angry voice coming through the walls.
“Make sure the Colonel gets his orders for Guam while we are on the cruise.”
The aide laughed at that.
“Yes, sir.”
“How does your wife know the general?”
“I don’t know sir, you’d have to ask her.”
“You can’t tell me they have that kind of a relationship, and you don’t know anything about it.”
Not a question. Silence.
“How long has she known the general?”
“I couldn’t say, sir. You might want to try asking her.”
“How long have you known the general?”
Robert checks his watch.
“Seven minutes, sir. You introduced us.”
“You’ve never met the general before today?”
“No, sir.”
“Well, your wife certainly has.”
Still not a question.
“The general said, “That worked out like I told you it would. They’ve talked before.”
Not a question.
“When did your wife speak to the general prior to this afternoon?”
“I do not know. You’d have to ask her, sir.”
“Don’t you even care that she’s got a relationship with the general in charge of Panama?”
“Not really, sir.”
“Why not?”
Robert pondered the question.
A smile crossed the colonel’s face.
“I suppose, I’ve got a busy enough life not to have to keep up with her life that closely.”
“There is no way that you don’t know what’s going on. What was she doing here?”
“She brought me my class A uniform, sir.”
“Why did she do that?”
“Because you refused my request to leave the building, sir.”
“Why did she show up looking like that?”
“I don’t understand the question, sir.”
“Filthy and barefoot. That’s what I mean. Why would she show up filthy and barefoot.”
“It’s Panama, humid, and we only own one car. I have it here.”
“How did she bring you your uniform if she didn’t have the car?”
“That explains the filthy feet, sir. She rides her bike everywhere.”
“Does she not own shoes?”
“I believe she does, sir.”
“Why was she not wearing shoes.”
“It’s her way, sir. She almost never wears shoes.”
Pause.
“Why did she show up here just before the general got here?”
“I phoned her and requested she bring me my uniform, immediately.”
“And did she?”
Robert looks down at the class A uniform he is wearing.
“Yes, sir.”
“I mean, did she come immediately?”
“I believe she called Colonel Staffer’s residence first.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Colonel Staffer’s wife is our back up plan when she’s too busy to pick up Patrick.”
“A Colonel is your back up plan?”
“His wife, sir.”
“Why couldn’t she pick up your son?”
“Because she was bringing me my class A uniform, sir.”
“Where was your maid?”
“She always lets her go home as soon as she gets home from work.”
“Why would she do that?”
“She doesn’t like it when people are cleaning and she isn’t helping. It’s how she was raised.”
“That makes no sense. If she knows she needs the maid to get your son, why let her go early?”
“She didn’t know that at the time, sir.
She dismissed the maid.
Then I called.
She made that very clear to me.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. There was time for her to meet with the general before she got your phone call.”
Robert draws his eyes together.
“She met with her friend, the general, and talked him into taking you all on the cruise.”
“Sir, she hates the water. I promise you she doesn’t want to go on that cruise Saturday.”
“What do you mean she hates the water?”
“She can’t swim, sir. Doesn’t swim. Won’t swim. Hell sir, you saw her! I’m lucky to get her into a shower.”
“Why can’t she swim?”
“She never learned.”
“Everyone swims.”
“No, sir.”
“This isn’t THAT kind of a cruise. There won’t be swimming and she knows that, you know that. There was time for her to meet with him. They were talking like they knew each other for years. How does she know him so well?”
“Sir, I don’t believe she does.”
“Of course she does. He had his arm around her! And I could smell parts of her from across the hall. Why don’t you want to see the obvious?”
Silence.
“It just doesn’t appear obvious to me, sir.”
“A general orders a colonel to pull a warrant officer’s duty, puts his arm around the man’s wife and walks out the door and that isn’t obvious to you?”
“Sir, Lee Ann does that.”
“Your wife didn’t do it. The general did. Can you explain that?”
“No, sir. You’d have to ask the general.”
“She’s got all day while you’re at work to develop relationships. Do you really know what she is doing while you are here?”
“Yes, sir. I do.”
“How?”
“She’s teaching school, sir.”
“She’s what?”
“A teacher, sir.”
“What grade?”
“High school.”
“Theater?”
“Math, science and a web design class.”
“How does a military wife get that job?”
“She applied, sir.”
“I mean, who did she know?”
“She knows a lot of people, sir. Could you be more specific?”
“Who here in Panama does she know to land… never mind. It’s obvious. The general.”
“Now that we’ve determined they have some sort of relationship…
…relationships.”
He snaps his fingers.
“Are you two first cousins on your mother’s side or your father’s?”
“Sir?”
“The general.”
“Sir…”
“Cousins would explain a great deal.”
“Sir.”
“If you are first cousins on your mother’s side, maybe he’s from the other side of the family!”
“Sir? Sir.”
“Cousins would explain it all. Why he hugged her. Why he wants to spend time with her.”
“Sir. Sir!”
Silence.
“What?”
“Sir, we are not first cousins.”
“But she said it.”
“Saying it doesn’t make it true.”
“But she said, ‘we’re first cousins, too.’ She said, ‘too’. They are first cousins and you all are first cousins too.”
“No, sir. That’s something I would know for sure.”
“Don’t move from that chair. I’m getting a coffee.”
Some minutes later the colonel reenters the room without his coffee.
“They must be childhood friends. How did the two of you meet.”
“Accidentally.”
“Maybe she arranged the meeting.”
“I doubt it, sir.”
“Tell me about it.”
“We were sixteen, in high school. We had the same history class.”
“The general is much older. Ten years. They could not have gone to school together.
Pause.
“How well do you know her?”
“Sir, she’s my wife.”
“Do you not see this as important?”
“Sir, I’m not sure what you are even wanting me to see.”
“She’s planned this whole event. Can you not see that?”
“Sir, she’s never consistently thought that far ahead in her life.”
“What is your goal in this?”
“Sir?”
“Well, you must be benefiting from this or why would she go to all this trouble?”
“Sir, I got my class A uniform out of it.”
The colonel looks around for his coffee.
“Stay there.”
He points at the chair and exits the room.
He reenters the room with Robert’s favorite coffee mug and takes a sip.
He stops hovering over Robert and pulls up a chair.
“You have got to see it from my side.
I’ve been in Panama two years and never down the canal.
This is my chance. I can get a certificate from the Moose.”
“Moose, sir?”
The colonel stares at Robert.
“You are going to pretend you don’t know what the Moose is?”
“No, sir. I know what a moose is.”
“Is that what this is all about? Your wife wants a spot on the moose?”
“Sir? Why would anyone ride a moose?”
The colonel pushes the chair backwards with the back of his knees and returns to standing.
He takes a long sip from Robert’s favorite coffee cup.
“I’m going to give you exactly fifteen minutes to think about this. When I get back, I want you to completely explain your wife’s behavior.”
He none too gently sat the coffee mug on his desk, and it sloshed out and burned his hand.
“Damn day.”
He exited the office.
The door swings on its hinges, staying open a crack.
Robert listens at the door.
He hears an exchange between the colonel and the JAG secretary, Rhonda.
He hears footsteps, and the outer office door slamming.
He notes the time.
He does the math in his head for fifteen minutes.
He cracks the door open a little more and gets Rhonda’s attention.
“Where did he go?” He loudly whispers.
“You are not supposed to be out of your playpen.”
“Look, I have to go to the restroom. I’ll come right back.”
“You have time for that.”
Robert goes around the corner to the men’s room.
There’s no point pondering something I have no idea what it is. He thinks.
Just get back quickly.
Robert made it back with time to spare.
He sat in the chair, intentionally trying not to relive the entire scene in his head.
When the colonel came back, he resumed his position in the chair.
“Tell me Robert, how is your marriage.”
“Sir? May I ask why?”
“Not yet.”
“Tell me how long have you been married?”
“Since 1982, sir.”
“Is this your first station overseas?”
“No, sir.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Where were you previously?”
“Germany.”
“Was your wife happy there?”
Robert thought about that one.
“You’d have to ask her.”
“I’m asking you.”
“About half the time, sir.”
“When were you there.”
“1988-1991.”
“During the fall of the wall?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And, how did you both find that experience?”
“It was a lot more exciting for her than me.”
“Why was that?”
“She learned the language. She was pretty good at it by the time the wall fell.”
“So, being a part of things was exciting for her.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And now, you are here.
The canal is going back to Panama.
Another world event.
How did she feel about coming to Panama.”
Robert almost laughed at that.
“She told me that if I did the tour without her, she’d divorce me.”
“Would she have?”
“No doubt, sir.”
“So, she manipulated you?”
“Most certainly, sir.”
“Like she manipulated this whole afternoon?”
“No, sir.”
“No?”
“In my experience, manipulation works best when you’re either fully dressed or fully naked.”
“Maybe appearing disorganized is part of her ploy.”
“She’s not ployful, sir.”
“What?”
“She is who she is. I can say that much.”
“No woman is that simple.”
“No, sir. I wouldn’t call her simple.”
“Yes, sir. I changed my mind. She’s simple.”
There was a stare-down.
Then a knock at the door.
“Colonel?” It was Rhonda. “Your sixteen hundred appointment is here.”
Relief, for one of them.
“I’ll be right out.”
Pointing at Robert he said, “You, just go home. Don’t finish the day.”
“Thank you, sir.”
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