Chapter 26
Short Straw: Federal Slide Inspector
In defense of Short Straw, he had no way of knowing that the document I was holding was actually a book I had been working on with my father for nearly a decade. That story had traveled with us through Germany, North Carolina, and now Panama.
He had no way of knowing what that manuscript meant to me. Oh wait, this is the fictional part. I totally imagined this part too.
Jeremiah looked up as Declan came into the guard shack.
“You look confused.”
“I am confused.”
“Bubble Girl?”
Declan pointed at him. “Stop calling her that.”
“You call her that.”
“That is completely different.”
Jeremiah waited.
Declan dropped into the chair.
“She came out of the pub.”
“Okay.”
“Fast.”
“Still okay.”
“Then she went straight to the park.”
Jeremiah nodded.
“And climbed to the top of the children’s slide.”
Jeremiah stopped nodding.
“With a big brown envelope.”
“What was in it?”
“I don’t know. Papers. A file. A book. Something thick.”
“You didn’t go look?”
“I’m supposed to observe without changing my normal behavior.”
“Since when has interaction with Bubble Girl not been your normal behavior?”
Declan ignored him.
“She sat up there for almost an hour.”
“Doing what?”
“Reading.”
Jeremiah shrugged. “That’s not very exciting.”
“She was laughing.”
“Still not exciting.”
“Then crying.”
Jeremiah’s eyebrows went up.
“Then laughing again.”
“Better.”
“Kids kept trying to use the slide.”
“And?”
“She told them they couldn’t.”
“Why?”
Declan stared at him.
“She told them she was the federal slide inspector.”
Jeremiah blinked.
“The what?”
“The federal slide inspector.”
There was silence.
“Is that a thing?”
“No. I checked.”
“You checked?”
“I had to!”
Jeremiah was already starting to laugh.
“This is not funny. I have to report this.”
“What exactly are you going to write?”
Declan began counting on his fingers.
“Subject exits pub. Subject travels directly to playground. Subject establishes elevated position. Subject studies unidentified documents. Subject displays unstable emotional response.”
Jeremiah was bent over now.
Declan kept going.
“Subject prevents civilian minors from approaching her position by falsely identifying herself as a federal official.”
Jeremiah made a choking noise.
“And,” Declan said loudly, “Public Works confirmed there were no authorized playground inspections today.”
That finished him.
Jeremiah dropped into the other chair, laughing so hard he couldn’t speak.
Declan waited.
Eventually Jeremiah managed, “Dec…”
“No.”
“You called Public Works…”
“I had to verify her story.”
“…to ask whether Bubble Girl…”
“Don’t.”
“…was actually a federal slide inspector?”
Declan put his face in his hands.
From somewhere between his fingers came a muffled response.
“I hate this assignment.”